Two years ago my dear friend Shaun Maher from Scotland invited me to share my personal “What matters to me?” message. I thought for a little while and found in my heart the true answer to the big question.
The question can find its way to the very deep of our heart, as well as being related to the practicalities of our daily lives.
My three kids are, of course, the deepest answer to this question. Their daily life and coping changes everything. From joy to deep worries and the other way around. The love of my life is the best anchor for this roller coaster. My mother used to be an anchor too.
After my mother developed dementia we kind of had to switch roles. But the contact continued to be strong and our meetings were filled with her wisdom and the way she managed to see the light in even the darkest days. It became clear to me when Shaun asked: walking all the way through this pathway with my mom was what mattered to me. I often talked to her about my work. Meeting health professionals in Norway and talking about moving from asking “What’s the matter?” to “What matters to you?” One day I talked to her about this change in healthcare. She responded intuitively and took both her hands to her stomach and said: “Ohhh, I could feel this here. The first you said made me feel very little. But in the other question it was space enough for all of me.”
Without knowing it, I think she nailed the differences of those two questions. “What’s the matter?” is perfect to find and set an illness, a diagnosis. But those kind of questions have never been meant to find a whole person, and can therefore not be used to create person-centered care.
I heard Maureen Bisognano from the Institute of Healthcare Improvement in Boston speaking in Paris in April 2014. My mentor and dear friend inspired me deeply, and we created a “What matters to you?” day in Norway two months later. One of the municipalities that joined the first “What matters to you?” day was my hometown. My mother received healthcare in that town and the very same question inspired the services she received. Four years later, the question was not a “one-day-in-June-question” in my hometown. In January 2018 she spent her last six days of life at Sandefjord medical centre, and she was cared for by nurses wearing the WMTY-badge every day at work. It was on their uniform, in their heart and in their hands. I didn’t think “What matters to you?” could become as personal as it did those six days. So I could be her son and hold her hand.
I made a WMTY-memo for her carers and it started with these words:
“Mom has 7 children, many grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. To mention the name of her children will comfort her: Ulf, Aashild, Kristin, Gunnar, Erik, Anders and Ingunn. Name every one of them and say they love her deeply.”
I wish you the best for your personal ’What matters to you?’ day.
~ Anders Vege, Head of Section for Quality Improvement, Norwegian Institute of Public Health